This will probably be my final post. As I might have mentioned previously I've retired from construction. My wife and I still live in Portland but we thought it might be nice to have a warm rock in the sun to escape to during the winter months. Her elderly parents had done just that for about fifteen years down in Yuma, Arizona, in a trailer community right there next to the Colorado River. We visited a couple of times over the years. It wasn't god's waiting room exactly, it was the parking lot outside god's waiting room. This waiting for the bad biopsy while drinking cheap mexican vodka is not the kinda thing we're into. I was hoping something better would come along.
A year ago a guy a know came by and asked if I knew anything about Hawaii. I knew only that they we're still part of the states, inhabited by people that had been recently conned out of their land and culture that still bore some resentment and, of course, Spam. He'd recently spent some months over there painting trompe-l'oeil on somebodies idea of a Polynesian paradise. He was sold on the life there. He also described a piece of land that he was thinking of buying. An acre of agricultural land with municipal power for $50,000. He also asked if I was interested in building a container house on the property. What an adventure! Next thought was "I need one of these". These are my field notes.
Hawaii, South Kona Coast
I had high hopes when I left Portland two weeks ago. I'd heard of cheap land in a sunny climate that could serve as a winter escape. It's all there. There are, however, some red flags that can't be ignored. The specific place I was looking for is 35 miles south of Kona at an elevation of about 1500 feet. Its a group of about 30 or so modest homesteads on Honamalino Rd, which runs uphill a few miles above Highway 11, the big islands main ring road. Its a broad shallow valley between two large historic lava flows to the north and south. On my exploratory drive south we stopped in a little state park to take a break. The only other vehicle in the parking lot was an official state truck. The woman driving it was finishing her lunch at a picnic bench. I wanted to ask her about something queer I'd noticed in the local vegetation. The main tree population on the south coast consists of O'hia trees. From the road I'd seen literally thousands of these trees and they were all dead. When I asked about them woman told me that that wasn't her department and she didn't know. It turns out she was a district building inspector! She had moved to Hawaii a couple of years ago from San Diego. We talked for about forty minutes. She confirmed how lax code enforcement was down here and provided just the kind of insights and specifics that I'd hoped to find. By the end of that first day I was sure I'd found paradise. The tree thing still bothered my though. I asked around and found out that about five years ago a deadly blight had started attacking the O'hia There are many tens of thousands of those dead trees on that part of the south Kona coast. They literally surround the Honamalino Rd development. They are going to burn one day soon in a massive wildfire that nothing will stop. That realization kinda took the joy out of the moment. The only thing that will be left are jagged clumps of lava and burned stumps. It will kill what little topsoil there is to start with. Its not as dramatic as the very real possibility of a fresh lava flow but it might has well be, the effect will be the same. There is a reason that banks won't loan on the property down there. I'd be willing to gamble on the limited possibility of a lava flow but the fire hazard is both certain and imminent.
Hawaii, Hawaiian Ocean View Estates
H.O.V.E. has been described to me as; "the only development project that you can see from space (think Great Wall of China)", "The largest Witness Protection District in America","how to turn 33 million dollars in cash into 3 million dollars worth of property" and as the last act in Glencary Glenross. "Corrupt beyond contemplation", "Paranoid with good reason" and "Barren as all get out" are all phases that slip from the tongue when discussing Hawaiian Ocean View Estates! Of the stories that I have heard the one that jumps out the most is about a guy that bought a couple of acres planted with mature O'hia trees. He was going to cull trees from the center of the lot to build his home on, surrounded by the mature parameter. He completed the purchase, left the island to sell his stuff, was gone three months and when he returned someone had clear cut his entire lot (the neighbors had seen the guys doing it but reported that they waved back and seemed friendly so didn't think anything was wrong). BTW the only mill on the south island area claimed they couldn't possibly identify the people that brought them the logs (example of petty corruption endemic in the area)???? And although sometimes sunny that part of the coast is usually covered in a weird haze that blows from the volcano due west from H.O.V.E. Local weather reports from that area frequently report unhealthful concentrations of sulfur dioxide (imagine the smell). But, sure, the land is cheap.
Hawaii, Puna District, Pahoa-Kalapuna Coast
If I were thirty years old and had spent the previous several years growing pot in Humboldt this is where I'd invest my ill gotten gains! This is apparently not an original idea. I really fell in love with this place. I could sense the spirit of adventure in every smirking caucasian kid with a hot girlfriend I saw, and there were plenty! There's a cove here with a large ocean fed pool whose waters are heated by volcanic vents, a natural salt water hot tub big enough for fifty people. Unfortunately it comes with a full time drum circle. Its an edge of the world, end of the road, honest to god hippy fucking paradise. Land is ridiculously cheap and is quickly being covered with imported fire ants. Seriously, if I was younger and could commit to living here full time I would. Full Time is the key here. If you leave, even for a short time, your homestead paradise will be stripped of every thing of value quicker than a virgin at a viking bar-b-cue. There is a guy here that puts together, really very nice, off grid eco kit houses for people following this dream. Recently he delivered a trailer loaded with one of these homes to a client. They went into town for the night for a celebratory beer. When the client got back to his place the next day the locals had carried of the whole thing but leaving the easily identified trailer. I heard several variations of stories like this from different people over a three day period. When everybody knows that your light weight solar power system cost $6000 they kind of walk away on their own. How many times are you going to replace that system before you give up in tears? Oh yeah, nearly half of old town Pahoa burned to the ground a few weeks ago. Somebody squatting under an old theater tipped over their kerosene lamp sending the whole block up in flames. Marci and I were having an excellent dinner on the deck of a cute little restaurant while watching about a hundred dreadlocked hippy clones gather at the local kombucha bar to raise awareness (presumably about fire safety). I don't know when I got so snarky about idealistic kids, I'll have to just chalk it up to late blooming maturity. Did I mention that this is the place that popularized smoking meth which the media promptly branded as "Ice"? Back to that kid from Humboldt for a second, he would presumably have the requisite skill sets to manage here just fine. That would include a working knowledge of fire arms and their use in defense, agricultural background in high value crops and a history of making good decisions while surrounded by well meaning morons, all that would come in very handy here. I saw more examples of container based structures on Hawaii than anywhere else I've been, some better built than others.
Ultimately the question becomes not can I do this but should I do this. Given what I found I'm going to have to keep looking
